Guiding Behavior

The Words I Didn’t Know I Needed to Hear

I needed to hear this. You are not a robot. I am so hard on myself. Sometimes I feel like I am doing it all wrong. Last week I had a moment where I felt like my own emotions had really failed my child. I felt stuck. It took a counselor looking at me through my tears to remind me that I’m not a robot. It was the first time I realized that I idealized an automated response for all things parenting. I want to respond in all the right ways. I want to have it all together as the parent. But the truth is, parenting is so much harder than I imagined back when I knew it all (before I had kids).

My kids need a chance to understand their emotional reactions, and guess what? So do I.

“Mommy needs a time out.”

I need time and space to cool down from my emotional responses to a messy house, bickering, trying to juggle all the various needs, feeling unappreciated, and you name it.

I need a “go to” response. We came up with one that day, the counselor and I. I went home and talked about it with the kids and we even practiced what we would do if I felt like my anger or frustration was going to get the best of me:

We came up with “Can you go find mommy a special pebble?” Any time I feel my blood start to boil I will say “Go find mommy a pebble.”

They go searching for a perfect pebble, or rock, and then they come back with a pebble. I then say “Tell me about your pebble” and they describe it to me. This is mindfulness.

(If they are too little you may have to tell them to go find a special blanket or something like that).

Then, I ask “What went wrong?” “What can we do better?” and “What are the consequences if we keep choosing to (fill in the blank)?”

This is FOR ME.

I only just started reading The Whole Brain Child for some helpful “automated responses” that I can already tell should be a prerequisite to parenting and I’m not even kidding. I wish I had started it sooner.

But, I just wanted to give you something FOR TODAY. Just one little thing today to remind you that you are not a robot, you are not alone, and there are resources out there for you. We can do this.

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Instead of sharing “highs” and “lows” around the dinner table, try this…

First, let me just be honest and say that when my husband wasn’t home I had gotten into the habit of sitting my kids in front of the TV to feed them dinner.

One reason is because I have to admit that I can be a short-order cook who makes my kids what they like to eat if my husband is not home. I’m not saying that I recommend this or that I am proud of it, but it does work for us sometimes.

Secondly, I just needed that time sometimes at the end of the day to not have to think. I wanted to be able to tackle dinner in the best way (solo) that I was able to at the time.

But, when my husband was home for dinner we tried to sit around the table and share about our highs and lows, which was not easy when the kids were really little. But, as the kids are getting older (preschool age and above), we are now sharing about our day regularly and I want to tell you what is working for us lately.

My husband and I came up with the idea of sharing one thing we Loved, one thing we Learned, and one thing we Loathed about our day. The kids immediately loved this idea. So, we started to stick with that and just talk about it. It actually reminded me of the Berenstain Bear’s Book “Too Much TV” where it says that the bears used to have “lively conversations around the dinner table” but now “they just sat around and chewed…”

That is how it felt honestly, but in reverse. We were mostly just trying to teach some table manners, clean up messes, and re-heat food, but now we feel like our dinner time is a little more purposeful with “lively conversations around the dinner table.”

This book really is the best tie in for this transition. It is one of my favorites.

Once we started our new little conversation starter, we ended up starting to go around the table and let the kids share from littlest to biggest, one by one, what they loved, learned and loathed about their day. They even started to remind us if we forgot “We gotta share what we loved, learned and loathed about our day!”

When I was a kid, we used to share about our day around the dinner table holding Centrum Vitamins because my dad said whoever had the Centrum Vitamins was the “Centrum of Attention.” Classic dad joke.

So, I took that idea (kind of) and decided to make signs to keep us on track and whoever held the signs would be the only one allowed to talk until they got to complete their turn. It ended up being a really pleasant part of the day and my daughter even had an assignment to write what her favorite family activity was, she wrote “Sharing are (our) day.” That is when I realized that no matter how tired I am during “the witching hour” every day… this “love, learn, loathe” thing is simple, but meaningful, and we are going to stick with it.

So, CLICK HERE to get the free printable, and give me a follow or a share on any one of my platforms if you love it!

And here is how I assembled my signs but you don’t have to make signs. You can 1) just talk about it. 2) print onto regular paper or 3) write the words paper plates with a sharpie (your kids wont know the difference). This is just a resource I wanted to make for myself and decided to share. 🙂

I printed my signs on white cardstock.
I cut them out right around the border of the circle and laminated with my self-laminator.
I cut them out again and then hot glued wooden dowels I found at the family dollar store.
I actually ended up printing a second copy for the backside because I am an over-achiever/perfectionist. I promise you don’t have to do any of this.

And then finally, I made my kids take pictures with the signs because that is half the fun. I’m so glad at least one of them was willing to get into character for “loathe.”

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Not Your Average Children’s Book Review (#2)

Here is my second book review in a three part review because there was absolutely no way for me to clump three amazing books together in one post. Each book truly deserved it’s own lane.

Next up on my review parade is “The Sneaky Parents,” which is also written by Rebecca Ventre. This author is funny, endearing, and so engaging. You feel the nostalgia of a child-like perspective when you read her books, and it is really captivating so get wrapped up in. The author’s family was the inspiration behind the characters and even the art pictured here on the cover is a sketch of actual artwork of the author’s children.

This book has some of us thinking that if we “judge a book by it’s cover” then we might make some lofty assumptions of what actually goes on in this book! But, this story is in fact kid-friendly, and worth finding out what is so sneaky about these parents.

“The Sneaky Parents” is written from a child’s perspective about what takes place after bedtime. As parents, I think we can all agree that bedtime can be a BEAR, but this is actually the perfect bedtime read because it revolves around the realities and necessity of bedtime. I like that this book is the perfect length because I don’t know about you, but a long bedtime story is hard for me to get through.

My Teaching Moments: When I read this book to my kids I like to ask them “What would you do if you could stay up all night?” I encourage them to go to sleep thinking about those things because if they do, they will probably dream about them. And, if so, it will be just like staying up all night doing those things without being too tired the next day. I also like to tell my kiddos about the things I do like cleaning, laundry, and getting ready for the next day because it helps them to understand that mommy needs bedtime to go smoothly so I can be ready for the day ahead.

This book is so cute. I love a good bedtime story, and this one is one of those books that if my kids want me to read it “again” I actually want to read it again.

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Not Your Average Children’s Book Review (#1)

I have been thinking so much lately about how ready I am to get back into the swing of things and start sharing again. What better way to start than with a children’s book review?

I am writing a review about “The Grouchy Mom” by Rebecca Ventre first because who can’t relate to being a grouchy mom? Especially if you are reading this at 4:00 in the afternoon because if that isn’t the hardest time of the day then I don’t know what is. Well, maybe if you are reading this at 4 AM in which case… I am sending thoughts and prayers for all the grouchy mommas who just dream about a good night’s sleep.

“The Grouchy Mom” is relatable, clever, and really easy to embody the voice of the main character. The story is shared from the child’s perspective. The child just can’t fathom why her mom could be the grouchy one when SHE is the one who is getting the short end of the stick ALL DAY LONG. At the end of the day, the little girl develops some empathy for her mom, but doesn’t necessarily see her part in contributing to her mom’s grouchiness. It has humor, sentiment, and room for making teachable moments which is always my favorite thing about a book.

My teaching moments: I love this children’s book because with each page, I like to ask my kids “Why do you think the mom is grouchy?” And my kids can understand the reasons that maybe they couldn’t see before introducing this book. I also like to ask my kids “Is there a way the little girl can talk to her mom in a way that helps her mom? Maybe use a calm voice? Maybe she could something to do while she waits for her mom to finish cooking? Maybe she could help tidy up?” And I like to hear their ideas about it even more!

This book is A MUST for all mommas, and my kids request it as a bedtime read quite often.

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How To Get Kids Involved In Serving The Community!

Lately, my mom friends and I have been trying to brainstorm ways to include our children in service opportunities.

We made homeless care packs together and we introduced it by teaching a little lesson on The Good Samaritan.  It was special to pray with the kids and ask God to give us eyes for those in need, and to feel prepared if we see someone in need.

Assembling Homeless Care Packs

As I started to try to brainstorm more ways we could serve.  I thought about my friend Deb who started a little group called “Superheroes of Kindness.”  They have served in our community in so many ways.  As Deb plans the outings, she keeps it age-appropriate and makes it a priority to be servant-minded. So, I asked her to fill me in on more details and here is what Deb shared with me:

“WOW!! This is my first blog post ever and I am thrilled about the subject Super Heroes of Kindness. I am the Children’s Coordinator at University Baptist Church, and missions for children is my pet. There are so many opportunities out there, but many parents stop and think I am not sure if my child is ready for that.  It is definitely important that we find developmentally appropriate opportunities and provide them early so we keep their attention.

I wish I could say Super Heroes of kIndness was by brain child. We were already involved in service opportunities at the church, but they were sporadic and under the umbrella of the church missions programs.  So, I wanted to create something that was child-centered and a regular part of young children’s spiritual growth. One day while flipping through Facebook posts, an old college friend posted a picture of her daughter with her classmates. They were on an outing to do good and were wearing super hero capes with little hearts on them… BAM! The light came on and I stole the idea, others had stolen it too.

We now have a Super Heroes of Kindness activity once a month, the 3rd Saturdays during the school year and varying dates in the summer. The kids love it.

We normally gather at the church in the morning. We have coffee and a light breakfast is served during the gathering time. Kids learn about what we are doing, who we are visiting, and how the issues matter to the day’s activity. A variety of mediums are used including games, story time, art, gardening and music. We then head out on an adventure that gives back or says thanks to members of the community. Assisted Living Centers, Pet Adoption Centers, Fire Stations, Church Service Workdays etc. There are so many opportunities… you just have to be creative and then ideas will POP! into your mind. Parents also provide suggestions. For example, one of our moms suggested each child do a community service activity on their own and then we share that experience at our next meeting. We are eager to hear these stories.

superheroes of kindness

Super Heroes is open to members and non- members of UBC. We welcome families from our MDO program and always encourage the kids to bring a friend or a stranger. For our next event, we will be set up outside a Walmart collecting dry and canned goods for the Baton Rouge Food Bank’s Summer Drive. E-mail jessica (at) themommyteacher (dot) come if you have any questions for Deb or if you live in Baton Rouge and want to register your child. Kids can wear their own capes or one of ours. SHAZAMMMMMM! God Bless,”

Some ideas for those itching to get it going:

1) Bake cookies and deliver them to neighbors.

2) Paint flower pots and hand them out at a local assisted living home.

3) Bring root beers and Rice Krispie  treats to a nurses station at a local hospital.

4) Bring children’s books to drop off at a children’s hospital.

5) Collect non-perishables to bring to a food bank.

6) Write thank you notes and drop them off at a police station or fire station.

Please comment if you have other ideas to give us ideas!!!!

 

 

 



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