I needed to hear this. You are not a robot. I am so hard on myself. Sometimes I feel like I am doing it all wrong. Last week I had a moment where I felt like my own emotions had really failed my child. I felt stuck. It took a counselor looking at me through my tears to remind me that I’m not a robot. It was the first time I realized that I idealized an automated response for all things parenting. I want to respond in all the right ways. I want to have it all together as the parent. But the truth is, parenting is so much harder than I imagined back when I knew it all (before I had kids).
My kids need a chance to understand their emotional reactions, and guess what? So do I.
“Mommy needs a time out.”
I need time and space to cool down from my emotional responses to a messy house, bickering, trying to juggle all the various needs, feeling unappreciated, and you name it.
I need a “go to” response. We came up with one that day, the counselor and I. I went home and talked about it with the kids and we even practiced what we would do if I felt like my anger or frustration was going to get the best of me:
We came up with “Can you go find mommy a special pebble?” Any time I feel my blood start to boil I will say “Go find mommy a pebble.”
They go searching for a perfect pebble, or rock, and then they come back with a pebble. I then say “Tell me about your pebble” and they describe it to me. This is mindfulness.
(If they are too little you may have to tell them to go find a special blanket or something like that).
Then, I ask “What went wrong?” “What can we do better?” and “What are the consequences if we keep choosing to (fill in the blank)?”
This is FOR ME.
I only just started reading The Whole Brain Child for some helpful “automated responses” that I can already tell should be a prerequisite to parenting and I’m not even kidding. I wish I had started it sooner.
But, I just wanted to give you something FOR TODAY. Just one little thing today to remind you that you are not a robot, you are not alone, and there are resources out there for you. We can do this.
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